Happy Monday, my dear friends. I am hoping that you all had a great weekend. Mine was pretty much uneventful, though I did attend a fireside at church last night. It was required since the twins and I were performing a musical number for it. We actually sounded really good, even though we only practiced about three times, and that was about an hour before the fireside. We sang "I Need Thee Every Hour" (one of my favorite hymns; Kade sang the melody, while I sang alto and Kyson sang bass). It was a wonderful fireside. It was called "The Living Christ". Between each musical number, someone would read a paragraph from the book, "The Living Christ". The Spirit was SO palpable there! I think it was probably one of the most awesomely spiritual experiences I have had in a long time. Mind you, I DID have to take a Xanax about half an hour before we headed to the church; just a precaution against possible anxiety due to a lot of people around me AND singing in front of a lot of people for the first time in ages. All in all, it was a great fireside.
Saturday was NOT a special day. It was a boring day. Nobody was home except Mom and I, and Mom read while I holed up in my room and watched movies. The twins went to their friend's house for the day and got home around ten pm.
As you can see, my weekend was, dare I say, kind of lame. Well, except for the fireside, which was pretty awesome. One of the groups that performed call themselves "The Royals". I personally think that the twins and I should call ourselves "The Tiny Trio" since not one of us is over 5'3". We have tiny bodies but BIG voices; we refrained from microphone usage when we sang.
So.........this week sounds like it has the potential of being rather fun. The twins, in addition to singing and being in band, also perform with the Youth Symphony here in town. Kyson plays trumpet and Kade plays the bass trombone (for those of you who have never seen a bass trombone, it is HUGE. Kade is a tiny little dude, and that instrument is nearly as big as he is.). It amazes me that our tiny little town possesses so much talent! Music is a big deal here (as are sports, but since I only understand soccer, volleyball, basketball, and baseball, my interest is limited in anything but music, which I TOTALLY understand); there are so many people here that have immense musical talent. I am really looking forward to the symphony concert tomorrow!
There is a little bit of a mystery occurring here in the library. There is an unoccupied laptop two seats down from me. I have been here the better part of an hour, and I have not seen anyone using it. Curious....... It'll be interesting to see if anyone shows up and uses it before I leave.
Well, I am running out of things to say (shocking, right????), so I will wrap things up with this thought: a smile is the best accessory a person could have. It coordinates with everything you wear and it makes everyone attractive, both physically and emotionally. So, when in doubt about how to best accessorize an outfit, go for a smile!
Until tomorrow.........
Monday, March 31, 2014
Friday, March 28, 2014
Rainy Days and Fridays
Well, here it is.....the cusp of the weekend. As I lack internet at home at this time, I will not be posting again until Monday. Until then........
The weather has been most uncooperative over the past couple of days. It has been cold, rainy, and windy, or, in other words, a typical Idaho spring. I went up past Mann Creek Reservoir yesterday to shoot pictures (it's quite a lovely area), and no sooner had I drove to my preferred stop, it started to rain. I thought to myself, "Eeeehhhhh, I can do this. The rain isn't that bad; I may get a teeny bit damp, but I'll dry." This was not to be. I got out of the car and crossed the road to shoot photos of the creek tumbling over the rocks and the trees that line the banks. I had just gotten to the barbed wire fence and the heavens opened up, making me one very soggy photographer. I did manage to get some sweet shots in before this happened, but I still got pretty darned wet. I did dry over time, and as this process was being completed, my hair (which, under the best of circumstances, is fuzzy and wavy/curly), decided to increase its volume tenfold. Holy cow, it was HUGE. The dampness caused it to swell and frizz out; I closely resembled a large brown Brillo pad. It frightened me. Fortunately for me and everyone else, I had a rubber band in my purse for such occasions, so it was ponytail time.
Today, it is still raining off and on (as if Mother Nature can't decide whether the Snake River Valley needs a good drenching or not.....so fickle is Mother Nature). When I walked in to the library, it was merely drizzling. The good thing about this inclement weather is that the grass, fields, and trees are becoming more green, making sure that we mere mortals are aware that spring is springing.
Speaking of springtime, that reminds me of a story when my twins, Kyson and Kade, were in kindergarten. They had learned the whole "March comes in like a lion or a lamb, and goes out like a lion or a lamb" thing. Well, their classes made a little door hanging with a lion on one side and a lamb on the other. I hung one on the front door and one on the back door. The twins would get to look out the window at the weather and then determine whether it was lion weather or lamb weather. Kade referred to the lion as a "wion" and a lamb as a "wam", and Kyson called them a "yion" and a "yam". Anyway, once the lion vs. lamb weather was determined, they would then flip the door hanging to the appropriate animal. Ahhhh....one of my favorite memories!
Fridays, rain or not, are my counseling days. I visit with my counselor every Friday at one, and since this has been a MUCH better week, I suspect that we will be discussing what made this week better. I think that my medications are starting to work better, I am feeling better physically and mentally (no intrusive thoughts....YAY!!!!), I'm beginning to show interest in my hobbies again, I am not sleeping ALL the time, and I have more energy. How did I turn things around? Easy. I made a promise to myself to NOT let stupid people or any other adversity bring me down. This may not work all the time, but when this mind-set it successful, then I enjoy it and use to my best advantage. So, see? There is ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes the tunnel seems like it's eternal and the light a fleeting flicker of flame (hehehe....an alliteration!), but with determination and love and support from your family and friends, you CAN reach that light and allow it to fill you. Not saying that you're going to feel any euphoria, but you will feel hope. If you lack hope and faith, what can you rely on?
'Til Monday.............
The weather has been most uncooperative over the past couple of days. It has been cold, rainy, and windy, or, in other words, a typical Idaho spring. I went up past Mann Creek Reservoir yesterday to shoot pictures (it's quite a lovely area), and no sooner had I drove to my preferred stop, it started to rain. I thought to myself, "Eeeehhhhh, I can do this. The rain isn't that bad; I may get a teeny bit damp, but I'll dry." This was not to be. I got out of the car and crossed the road to shoot photos of the creek tumbling over the rocks and the trees that line the banks. I had just gotten to the barbed wire fence and the heavens opened up, making me one very soggy photographer. I did manage to get some sweet shots in before this happened, but I still got pretty darned wet. I did dry over time, and as this process was being completed, my hair (which, under the best of circumstances, is fuzzy and wavy/curly), decided to increase its volume tenfold. Holy cow, it was HUGE. The dampness caused it to swell and frizz out; I closely resembled a large brown Brillo pad. It frightened me. Fortunately for me and everyone else, I had a rubber band in my purse for such occasions, so it was ponytail time.
Today, it is still raining off and on (as if Mother Nature can't decide whether the Snake River Valley needs a good drenching or not.....so fickle is Mother Nature). When I walked in to the library, it was merely drizzling. The good thing about this inclement weather is that the grass, fields, and trees are becoming more green, making sure that we mere mortals are aware that spring is springing.
Speaking of springtime, that reminds me of a story when my twins, Kyson and Kade, were in kindergarten. They had learned the whole "March comes in like a lion or a lamb, and goes out like a lion or a lamb" thing. Well, their classes made a little door hanging with a lion on one side and a lamb on the other. I hung one on the front door and one on the back door. The twins would get to look out the window at the weather and then determine whether it was lion weather or lamb weather. Kade referred to the lion as a "wion" and a lamb as a "wam", and Kyson called them a "yion" and a "yam". Anyway, once the lion vs. lamb weather was determined, they would then flip the door hanging to the appropriate animal. Ahhhh....one of my favorite memories!
Fridays, rain or not, are my counseling days. I visit with my counselor every Friday at one, and since this has been a MUCH better week, I suspect that we will be discussing what made this week better. I think that my medications are starting to work better, I am feeling better physically and mentally (no intrusive thoughts....YAY!!!!), I'm beginning to show interest in my hobbies again, I am not sleeping ALL the time, and I have more energy. How did I turn things around? Easy. I made a promise to myself to NOT let stupid people or any other adversity bring me down. This may not work all the time, but when this mind-set it successful, then I enjoy it and use to my best advantage. So, see? There is ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes the tunnel seems like it's eternal and the light a fleeting flicker of flame (hehehe....an alliteration!), but with determination and love and support from your family and friends, you CAN reach that light and allow it to fill you. Not saying that you're going to feel any euphoria, but you will feel hope. If you lack hope and faith, what can you rely on?
'Til Monday.............
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Round IS a Shape
Like most people who take antidepressants, I have become quite......round. So round that I have discussed the issue with my psychiatrist. No matter what I do (proper diet, exercise, etc.), NOTHING WORKS. I remain round and continue to expand my horizons. So, the last time I was hospitalized (a couple of weeks ago), I talked to my dr. about possibly prescribing an antidepressant that would NOT cause weight gain (I will not discuss my actual weight, but suffice it to say, it is way more than I am comfortable with). He prescribed me a low dose of Wellbutrin XR. I have to say, the first week on it totally sucked because my emotions were all over the place. However, on the bright side, the Wellbutrin quells my appetite. While I am an individual who lacks patience (I believe in instant gratification), I am increasingly discouraged at times because I am still north of being super-chunky. However, the rational side of me realizes that it the weight gain didn't happen overnight (actually, it was over the span of about eight years), the weight loss is going to take some time and work, though I get annoyed about the whole situation frequently.
My kids are wonderful about the whole weight thing, as is my mom. They remind me that I need to be patient and improvement WILL happen, and that they love me the way I am (the kids said this, not my mom) and that moms (and eventually grandmas) are supposed to be squishy. How else can I comfort a ticked off baby? I know this for a fact; my three month-old niece, Scarlett, immediately chills when I cuddle on her. She loves my squishiness!
I do NOT want to become uber-thin; to me, it's not attractive, especially at my age. I figure if I get down to, say, about 130-140 lbs, that would be ideal. Those are nice, healthy weights, and though I will be much thinner than I presently am, I will still be maintaining a reasonable amount of squish for future nieces, nephews, and grandbabies (no, Brody and Lindsey, I am NOT dropping hints). Squish is good, fat is bad, and I am FAT.
I have had self-image issues for as long as I remember. I remember thinking that 120 lbs was massive ( I think I weighed about 100 lbs. at the time). I could be built like Giselle Bundchen and STILL be dissatisfied. Why do people view their physical selves in a negative light? I have always wondered that. No matter how attractive and physically appealing we are to others who see us, why are we never happy with our looks? One thing my family has told me (and this is in regard to the antidepressant-induced weight gain) that they would prefer that I was chubalicious and sane, rather than thin and mentally unstable. I'm down with that, but I still need to lose some weight in order to improve my health. It'll improve my arthritis in my knees, my blood pressure, and my self-esteem.......I think.
I have noticed that since I have started the Wellbutrin, my appetite has shrunk considerably and I am gradually (aka VERY slowly) losing weight. I can actually fit into a couple pairs of jeans that I had outgrown, so that deserves a victory dance, which I will refrain from doing since I am at the library; it may traumatize people.
In closing, even though I struggle with weight and self-image problems, I do have hope that this, too, shall pass. For those of you who are struggling with the same thing, let me tell you this: there IS hope. It will require hard work on your part, but you CAN do it! Never give up on your goals.
Until next time.............
My kids are wonderful about the whole weight thing, as is my mom. They remind me that I need to be patient and improvement WILL happen, and that they love me the way I am (the kids said this, not my mom) and that moms (and eventually grandmas) are supposed to be squishy. How else can I comfort a ticked off baby? I know this for a fact; my three month-old niece, Scarlett, immediately chills when I cuddle on her. She loves my squishiness!
I do NOT want to become uber-thin; to me, it's not attractive, especially at my age. I figure if I get down to, say, about 130-140 lbs, that would be ideal. Those are nice, healthy weights, and though I will be much thinner than I presently am, I will still be maintaining a reasonable amount of squish for future nieces, nephews, and grandbabies (no, Brody and Lindsey, I am NOT dropping hints). Squish is good, fat is bad, and I am FAT.
I have had self-image issues for as long as I remember. I remember thinking that 120 lbs was massive ( I think I weighed about 100 lbs. at the time). I could be built like Giselle Bundchen and STILL be dissatisfied. Why do people view their physical selves in a negative light? I have always wondered that. No matter how attractive and physically appealing we are to others who see us, why are we never happy with our looks? One thing my family has told me (and this is in regard to the antidepressant-induced weight gain) that they would prefer that I was chubalicious and sane, rather than thin and mentally unstable. I'm down with that, but I still need to lose some weight in order to improve my health. It'll improve my arthritis in my knees, my blood pressure, and my self-esteem.......I think.
I have noticed that since I have started the Wellbutrin, my appetite has shrunk considerably and I am gradually (aka VERY slowly) losing weight. I can actually fit into a couple pairs of jeans that I had outgrown, so that deserves a victory dance, which I will refrain from doing since I am at the library; it may traumatize people.
In closing, even though I struggle with weight and self-image problems, I do have hope that this, too, shall pass. For those of you who are struggling with the same thing, let me tell you this: there IS hope. It will require hard work on your part, but you CAN do it! Never give up on your goals.
Until next time.............
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Day One: Introduction
Hello to all of my future followers! My name is Crystal Channell, and this is my very first blog. I have started this blog on the advice of one of my kids. I usually have a lot to say about certain topics, and I thought that this type of forum would reach out to more people than it would on Facebook.
So, let us begin this with a little bio about me. I have five great kids: Bryan, age 23, Brody, age 22 (and his wife, Lindsey, age 21), Brylie, age 19 (serving an LDS mission in Guadalajara, Mexico), Kyson, age 17, and his identical twin brother, Kade, age 17. As you can see, most of my children are grown and independent, and I am also facing the dreaded "empty nest" in about a year and a half. Eek. This sure makes me feel geriatric. However, I will still be pretty young when everyone is gone, so I intend to enjoy myself. I don't know exactly how yet, but I am sure I will think of something when the time comes.
Some of my interests include photography, reading, and, of course, blogging. By creating this blog, I hope to reach out to people and inspire them to better their lives. See, I also suffer from severe depression and anxiety, so much that I have been hospitalized many times in the past year. I want to share my story and experiences as an individual that suffers from debilitating mental illness in hopes that I can help remove the stigma attached to this illness, as well as help others understand this illness. A lot of people are under the impression that depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, and other mental illnesses can be turned off and on like a light switch. This is not the case. For those who are not in the know about the physiological aspect of mental illness, it is caused by the brain either secreting too much or too little of certain neurotransmitters, which, in turn, create the illness. It cannot be controlled, but it can be maintained by medication and psychotherapy. As you can see, I am an advocate for mental illness awareness. As I mentioned before, that is part of the reason I have initiated this blog.
I have discovered that one of the best forms of therapy for me is my photography. I am but a mere amateur, but I learn a lot through trial and error (and photography classes). My preferred subject matter is nature; you never have to pose it or coax it into cooperation like you would a human subject. All you have to do is photograph what you find beautiful and inspiring, and chase the light (the inspiration for the title of my blog). Nothing is more fulfilling to me than a peaceful drive out in the hills (I live in a small town, Weiser, located on the Idaho/Oregon border, and our area is high desert) and take pictures. The other day, I drove out about 15 miles east of town, through open range for livestock (so I encountered many cows and horses) and copious amounts of sagebrush. Much as I wanted to explore, I refrained from doing so due to the fact that the disgusting rattlesnakes are coming out of hibernation. Eecchh. Anyway, I got plenty of good shots while I was out, and it was the most relaxing day I have had in a very long time.
Well, I think that this is enough for today. I hope that those who choose to follow me will enjoy what I have to say and be able to take something from this blog and be able to be inspired, moved, or amused.
Until next time.................
So, let us begin this with a little bio about me. I have five great kids: Bryan, age 23, Brody, age 22 (and his wife, Lindsey, age 21), Brylie, age 19 (serving an LDS mission in Guadalajara, Mexico), Kyson, age 17, and his identical twin brother, Kade, age 17. As you can see, most of my children are grown and independent, and I am also facing the dreaded "empty nest" in about a year and a half. Eek. This sure makes me feel geriatric. However, I will still be pretty young when everyone is gone, so I intend to enjoy myself. I don't know exactly how yet, but I am sure I will think of something when the time comes.
Some of my interests include photography, reading, and, of course, blogging. By creating this blog, I hope to reach out to people and inspire them to better their lives. See, I also suffer from severe depression and anxiety, so much that I have been hospitalized many times in the past year. I want to share my story and experiences as an individual that suffers from debilitating mental illness in hopes that I can help remove the stigma attached to this illness, as well as help others understand this illness. A lot of people are under the impression that depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, and other mental illnesses can be turned off and on like a light switch. This is not the case. For those who are not in the know about the physiological aspect of mental illness, it is caused by the brain either secreting too much or too little of certain neurotransmitters, which, in turn, create the illness. It cannot be controlled, but it can be maintained by medication and psychotherapy. As you can see, I am an advocate for mental illness awareness. As I mentioned before, that is part of the reason I have initiated this blog.
I have discovered that one of the best forms of therapy for me is my photography. I am but a mere amateur, but I learn a lot through trial and error (and photography classes). My preferred subject matter is nature; you never have to pose it or coax it into cooperation like you would a human subject. All you have to do is photograph what you find beautiful and inspiring, and chase the light (the inspiration for the title of my blog). Nothing is more fulfilling to me than a peaceful drive out in the hills (I live in a small town, Weiser, located on the Idaho/Oregon border, and our area is high desert) and take pictures. The other day, I drove out about 15 miles east of town, through open range for livestock (so I encountered many cows and horses) and copious amounts of sagebrush. Much as I wanted to explore, I refrained from doing so due to the fact that the disgusting rattlesnakes are coming out of hibernation. Eecchh. Anyway, I got plenty of good shots while I was out, and it was the most relaxing day I have had in a very long time.
Well, I think that this is enough for today. I hope that those who choose to follow me will enjoy what I have to say and be able to take something from this blog and be able to be inspired, moved, or amused.
Until next time.................
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