Okay, so in order to deal with my ever-fluctuating emotions this weekend, I decided to watch some movies. Normally, I lean more toward movies that are comedic, but this time, I chose sandworms and natural disasters. Movies about these things make me laugh more than actual comedies do, possibly because the special effects are silly and the plotlines are so awful that they're hilarious.
I started out my movie marathon with all four movies of "Tremors". I love the first movie, not only because it's completely ridiculous and the sandworms (aka Graboids) remind me of oversized plankton, but when they kill the Graboids, the guts look like pumpkin innards. I'm sorry; I am sure that this movie is not meant to make people giggle, but I can't help it. It's so awful that it's hilarious! Funnily enough, the remainder of the movies progressively worsen. The sandworms mutate more than anything I have ever seen (my personal favorite of the Graboid species is the Butt Blaster.......the effects are super cheesy). Anyway, I DO own all four "Tremors" movies in what is called the "Attack Pack". You cannot have a better title than that for the "Tremors" franchise! I think my favorite part of the first movie is when the doctor and his wife get eaten. I am sure that this is supposed to be scary, but to me, it's funny. For those of you who have not had the pleasure of seeing "Tremors", when the doctor and his wife meet their untimely demise via sandworm, the sandworm first eats their generator. When this is discovered, the cord to said generator leads to a hole in the ground. The doctor (aka Jim) thinks that this is some geological phenomenon, but boy, is he mistaken. No later than he declares his theory, the sandworm decides that he looks like a nice snack and CHOMP! No more Jim. Jim's wife is left pawing at the soil yelling, "Jiiiiiiiiim!", to no avail. Jim has become a meal. Suddenly (after she thinks the coast is clear), the sandworms go after her. Like a dumbass, she climbs into their station wagon and locks the doors, thus keeping sandworm tentacles at bay. Then the sandworm decides that eating Jim was just not satisfying enough for its appetite, and not only does it chow down on the doctor's wife, but it eats a portion of the station wagon, too.
All right. Enough about "Tremors". My second half of my movie marathon consisted of the "Survival Pack", which consists of "Twister" (rated PG-13 for, and I kid you not, "Prolonged sequences of very bad weather".), "Poseidon" (possibly the most hilariously lame movie ever), "The Perfect Storm", and "Outbreak" (whose ending is extremely anticlimactic). My personal favorite out of that group has to be "Twister". Mind you, tornadoes, in and of themselves, are NOT at all amusing (though I lived in Iowa for six years, no tornadoes ever hit Ottumwa....only shear winds. The tornadoes liked Agency, Floris, and Chillicothe better than Ottumwa). Anyway, I digress. I watched "Twister" last night, and, hello, tornadoes do NOT sound like digestive noises, nor do they have cellos or heavenly choirs accompanying them. If they did, they might actually be entertaining as well as highly destructive. I pointed this out to my mom, who grew up in Iowa and HAS experienced a few tornadoes in her time. She told me that a tornado sounds like a million freight trains bearing down on you, roaring with a high-pitched whistly-shrieky sound. I, for one, was VERY happy not to have had to experience any serious tornadic activity during my time in Iowa. However, the shear winds were bad enough: I lost part of my garage roof, quite a few shingles from the roof of the house, two windows, and the kids' hula hoops. We found all but one. I guess you could say that that hula hoop was gone with the wind. Har-de-har-har!
Well, now that I have regaled you all with my take on cheesy movies, I must leave you for now as I have a doctor's appointment soon (for sleep apnea). I am happy that I managed to survive the weekend without a mental breakdown, and I owe it to my family and distracting myself with silly movies. You cannot get better than that! However, I will leave you with a profound thought: laughter is DEFINITELY the best medicine! It lowers blood pressure and, duh, it makes you happy!
Until tomorrow.............
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